You Guys... I can not even wrap my mind around it. We have officially beaten the statistics against us. Jereme and I have officially made it through our first year of marriage, and I could not be happier. We just celebrated our FIRST Anniversary. I can not even tell you enough how much of a blessing Jereme is to me. We had a super crazy start and at times I feel that I definitely did not deserve him, but I am thankful none the less. I thought I would take the time today, for those of you who are interested, to tell our story from my point of view. It may help you if you are in a relationship that is not going the way you had hoped. It is a great testimony to never giving up on someone you love, just like The Lord never gives up on us.
We met in my junior year of college through a mutual friend that I was living with at the time. We had a same group of friends that went to same events and were always running into each other. I had been trying to make things go somewhere with that friend (what we are going to call him) for awhile, but I was getting nowhere. All the while, Jereme was there to pick me up every time things would go south. Now you guys, when I say that I did not deserve Jermo, I really am telling the truth. I was so mean to him. I walked all over him with no cares given. To be honest, I was actually kind of terrible to both of them. Any time "that friend" decided he wanted to pay me attention for the day I would drop plans with Jermo no matter what they were; and any time I was not with "that friend" I was with Jereme. Looking back, I can not believe I did that. Looking back, I can not believe I was "THAT" girl that used and abused to get what I wanted, no matter who it hurt. I was selling my affection to the highest bidder of attention.
At the time, I was so far away from the Lord that if I even began to tell you, you would not believe me. I was (sparing details) partying non-stop, drinking, clubbing, never sleeping, and basically on liquid speed. But through it all, Jereme was so sweet to me. He kept asking me to leave and to change for my sake, but I didn't. I allowed things snowball until one day I woke up sober (for once) at "that friend's" house and could not believe the person I was or why. I looked at "that friend" and thought to myself "I can not wake up to this person for the rest of my life and I am so sick of trying to convince this person to want to be with me. It's not worth it!" I had hurt Jereme to the point that he didn't even want to talk to me. I actually even hated myself for being there. I hated myself for hurting Jereme by me being there. I knew at that moment that something had to change. I knew that if I continued to go down the path that I was on, it would not be good. I knew that no matter what I did, "that friend" was never going to treat me right. Looking back, I am so thankful for that realization.
Towards the end of our friendship, I kept hearing the songs "Roll to Me" by Del Amitri and "Everything You Want" by Vertical Horizons literally everywhere I went and it was like they were literally speaking my name for more reasons than I care to admit and I would instantly always think of Jereme. I would hear them every single day randomly, especially "Roll to me". If you don't know the words, I put them below. I took that as a sign that I was making a big mistake. (I have always been a music communicator.) On the day that I had that eureka moment, as soon as I heard "that friend" drive away, I packed up everything, cleaned his apartment, and jetted. He did not know until he came home that night. I know, that was a mean thing to do because really on that day he didn't do anything wrong. I just knew that it would never go anywhere. My conscience is still heavy about leaving in that way and never apologizing, but that is the way that it had to happen. What I was doing wasn't working, so I had to do something different. I had to have change that very moment. I had to fix the mess I made with the person that had actually always been there for me. Thankfully, Jereme still welcomed me with open arms even after all I had put him through. Unfortunately, that wasn't even the end of it. I was a living toy yo-yo.
I do want to mention (not that it is a sound excuse) my stress levels at that time were through the roof. I was driving four hours a day, five days a week, because of construction traffic. I was at a brand new school. I barely knew anyone. I really didn't have a home, and my dad's house had recently burned down. I was also tackling a full workload and sorority life. I would get so tired sometimes that I would even pull over and just sleep in my car. It really didn't matter where I was. I definitely had Angel protection, that is for sure, even though I didn't know it.
Jereme decided to get me an apartment downtown to help me get back on my feet. He was starting a commitment, but in my mind, I was still using. Things were going pretty smoothly but sadly, my stress was so high that I couldn't handle anything, not even him. I relapsed. I started treating Jereme bad again, not coming home, drinking, partying and hanging out with "that friend" again. I think that Jereme was so patient and persistent with me that I thought there was nothing I could do that would drive him away.
After he had enough and we had a huge blowout, I realized that I was replaceable. I had to do better and that meant giving up all those things that were dragging me down, including "that friend". It was around that time that I had also been reading the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. You may have heard me talk about that book before. It played a huge role in my life getting back on track with Jereme and with number one: God. The book made me realize that I was Angel in real life. Strangely enough, her name actually was Sarah. The entire book was speaking to me. It killed my heart to know that I was doing the exact same thing to Jereme that Angel was to Michael. So many people tried to get me to read that book, but for some reason I never would. I know now that it just was not the right time. I had to read it exactly when I did in order for the Lord to use it for improvement in my life. Praise God for his perfect timing and plan.
I was making a little bit of progress after I let a bunch of things go. I severely wanted to make Jereme a priority, but I just couldn't. I was working four jobs to be able to afford my full-time college schedule and life. Life was so hectic that I never had a spare moment. There was so much stress that I would literally forget to eat. I looked great physically, but it came with a heavy price emotionally. I would leave at six every morning and not get into bed until one or two every night. Jereme always tells people that it was so bad that he would find me where I had come in the door and collapsed directly on the couch. If I was lucky, I would leave a trail of clothes behind me. Most of the time I just remained fully clothed. Rarely did I ever make it to my bed. I was that tired. Some days we would only say three words to each other. I was pushed to the max and physically and emotionally drained. Even then, he was still so sweet and comforting., and he always prayed for me.
Our biggest moment of impact came in my last semester of school. I had a morning class that was canceled and I was sitting at Jereme's parents while he dog sat for them. (The night before, I had what I know now to be a severe nervous breakdown. It was super bad to the point that I am still affected to this day) It felt so nice to have nothing to do for an hour. But even though I had nothing to do I was still trying to work on an art project for a different class that I absolutely despised. But, for the life of me, I just could not do it. Time for my second class of the day rolled around. I was already at maximum days missed plus one (like I was in literally every class). I felt that I could not move. I skipped that class again, knowing that I would be dropped. Time for my third class rolled around and I looked at Jermo and said "I just don't think I can go back. I just can't do it anymore. I can't move". I was legit "stress paralyzed". Jereme must have been so tired of seeing me like that too because he said "then don't go". Again Jereme was there to my rescue. On that day, I quit all four of my jobs with no notice, I quit the sorority, and I quit school. I felt like I quit life.
I was such a wreck. It was so strange every single moment of the day I felt like I was in a panic because I was not doing what I should be. I was constantly thinking that I was late to a class or that I could not remember what homework I was supposed to turn in. Or did I miss work? I would have random moments where I would have a panic attack because I would feel like I had forgotten something super important. I actually didn't leave the house for three months after that unless I absolutely had to because my emotional state couldn't handle anything. I felt useless. It took that long to quit feeling like I was forgetting something that wasn't even there to begin with.
Thank God that Jereme wanted to support me. It was so crucial in our progression as a couple. Up until that moment, I still had a huge security wall up between us. I had been on my own for a long time and I was used to having to take care of myself. As long as I could take care of myself, I didn't need a man. I was free to do as I pleased. Miss I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T. After I "quit life", I had to completely put my trust in Jereme's ability to take care of me. That was super scary for me, but Jereme handled it with ease. He handled it so well, that I actually realized that I really did need him. I grew in love so much for him. I realized that I did not want to be without him. I allowed myself to be taken care of and loved on until I got better. I learned also that it wasn't attention that I needed, it was stability. I think my whole life without it sent me into craving and needing it. And so it began...
Again, I want to stress how much Redeeming Love impacted me. From front to back, I felt like there was something on every page that I could identify with. Jereme was just like Michael (Hosea) to me and I was Angel (Sarah). I am so thankful that he kept trying with me, just like in the book. God does the same thing with each one of us. Jereme kept showing me God's love through his own love for me until I could no longer avoid it. I was down to nothing, and God was up to something. He used Jereme as my big comfort blanket in the time that I needed it most. God reached me through Jereme, and I am forever grateful. It is such a strong testimony to never give up on someone that you love just like in Redeeming Love. If you continue to be nice to them and show them God's light and love, it will pay off. If it doesn't, then the Lord has something better for you. Our story is not the typical sweet sappy love story, but it is so special to me.
I want to leave you with some information that helps us in our marriage. Marriage is like a step pyramid. Each layer holds up the next one and together they make something awesome. The Lord has to be your main focus as a couple, so God alone would be at the top of your pyramid. You have to make sure that The Lord Lives on every level. Next is your spouse. You have to place their needs above your own, so it would be the next layer. You also have to hold each other accountable in the Lord. You should pray that the Lord lives with your spouse on their layer too. Third would be our own needs, and that would be the base and foundation of the pyramid. You have to maintain a healthy base or everything will topple on top of you. You have to make sure that The Lord lives with you in your own layer and in everything that you do.
I suggest that you pray together as often as possible. Do devotionals together, and read the bible daily. Never let the sun go down on your anger. Communicate all of your feelings, whether they are good or bad. Cherish every moment you have together, especially enjoy the time you have together before you have children. Yes, children are a blessing, but they also completely change the whole dynamics of your life forever. Below are two books that we received at Christmas last year. We read them chapters at a time together. They always seem to coincide with what is going on in our lives. I highly recommend you get them. They will help you to see things in a new light and help you know how to pray for your marriage and life.
Thank you so much for reading our story. I hope it was able to speak to you and help you, and as always, thank you for stopping by.
"Roll To Me"
Look around your world, pretty baby
Is it everything you'd hoped it'd be?
The wrong guy, the wrong situation
The right time to roll to me
Roll to me
And look into your heart, pretty baby
Is it aching with some nameless need?
Is there something wrong and you can't put your finger on it
Right then, roll to me
And I don't think I have ever seen
A soul so in despair
So if you want to talk the night through
Guess who will be there?
So don't try to deny it, pretty baby
You've been down so long you can hardly see
When the engine's stalled and it won't stop raining, it's the
Right time to roll to me
Roll to me
Roll to me
And I don't think I have ever seen
A soul so in despair
So if you want to talk the night through
Guess who will be there?
So look around your world, pretty baby
Is it everything you'd hoped it'd be?
The wrong guy, the wrong situation
The right time to roll to me
The right time to roll to me
the right time to roll to me
“11 He hath made everything beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.”
“22 And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. 23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
Love always, Sarah Kate Hood
